Should I do whatever I want?

What is the difference between a craving and a passion?

Which of my wishes I should follow and which I should ignore?

As a young woman and a teenage girl, I made a lot of mistakes by making decisions based on a faulty premise: "I should do whatever comes to mind".

Only at the age of 27 and after a lot of sores I've made my heart, I understood what I was doing wrong all my life!

There are 3 main categories of wishes and desires:

1. "Wishes from the heart":

Your true passions and things that are aligned with your true self.

For example:

Writing makes me feel good, I wish to be a writer.

I really like this guy's personality and I'd like to get to know him better and make some good memories together.

I love the beach, and adventures, I wish to save money and travel the world to tropical islands.

2. "Wishes from the body":

Your wishes, momentary egoistic bodily craves, that come and go.

For example:

I want sugar NOW.

I want sex NOW.

I want to shout at my boyfriend NOW.

I am bored, I want to do something, anything, let's drink alcohol.

3. "Wishes from outside":

Here are the actions I think I should do because someone else wants it or thinks it's right.

For example:

Everybody has a boyfriend/girlfriend I should have too.

Everybody acts nice even when they don't feel ok, then I should too.

Everyone says to go to university or get a 9-5 job or go to marketing, then I should do it too.

Everyone around says having sex is cool whenever with whoever, so I should think like that too.

The problems come to the surface when you act upon the two last categories most of the time.

As a young woman, you ask "what could happen? what could go wrong if I just follow my cravings?

From experience, I can answer you and save the precious time of your youth:

If you follow the wishes from the last two categories, it will take the place of the first category. You cannot follow them all, they contradict each other.

Choose - which way do you wish to follow?

Do you wish to follow your body?

Do you wish to follow other people's opinions?

Or do you wish to follow your heart?

In every category, you gain something and lose something else:

"Wishes from the body"

Gain:

Easy to follow at first.

Gain momentary satisfaction.

No need to control yourself, release.

Lose:

Difficult in the long term.

Can ruin what you already have.

No sense of direction, it will get you nowhere.

No stability in life, relationships, health.

Contradicts the fulfillment of your true dreams and desires.

Comes instead of long-term satisfaction.

"Wishes from outside"

Gain:

Easy to follow at first.

There are proven paths to "success" in life.

No need to go against the flow.

You always agree with others, no arguments.

No need to make difficult decisions.

No need to be strong.

Lose:

Difficult in the long term - who I should listen to? Who am I? What am I worth?

Constant feeling of confusion, because of letting others direct you.

You lose your sense of self.

Sometimes inconsistency, so you will not build anything of your own if you follow every time someone else.

And if you are consistent with who you follow, in the best case, it will get you to a comfortable place, but not to a self-fulfilled place.

Constant feeling of unfulfilled potential.

Feeling of missing life.

Eventually regret not fulfilling your dreams.

Constant searching for approval from others.

I have been there for many years, trying to fulfil my partner's dreams, neglecting my own, adopting his dreams as if they were my own.

"Wishes from the heart"

Gain:

Easier to follow in the long term.

You have a personal inner guidance system with which you learn to communicate better and better.

It is not necessary it will lead you against the flow.

You have your own unique way and unique life.

You feel confident more and more with time.

You discover yourself.

You get to achieve your goals.

You get to feel fulfilled.

You get to feel proud and strong for going all the way by your own guidance.

You get to be strong against strangers' disapproval.

You have your own opinions.

You can follow someone else's guidance without losing yourself.

You get to build strong relationships.

Lose:

Difficult to follow at first.

In the beginning, lack of confidence in your inner voice.

Sometimes being labelled or feeling like an outsider, a weirdo, or a selfish person.

Prepare to disappoint others a lot, everyone wishes you'd follow their advice.

It will take a lot of strength at first to say "NO" to yourself that wants to please others and to others.

Will have less momentary satisfaction, you'll have to delay or completely avoid some of your "body wishes".

I will talk about how in a later chapter.

What questions I should ask myself before deciding anything?

1. How do I really want to feel in my life?

2. How do I see myself enjoy life in the future?

3. What are my craziest dreams?

4. What kind of woman do I wish to be in 5, 10 years?

5. In 5 years from now, when I will look back at myself today, will I be proud of myself?

6. Is this action will get me closer or farther from the life I want?

7. Is this something I want only now, or it will stay with me for a week/ year/ 5 years? For example, a guy I am attracted to, but his personality is boring me, I know in a week I won't wish to see him anymore, so why would I gift my time and body to a person I will want to forget?

8. If I imagine this in a different situation in my life, would it be still appealing to me? For example, the same guy, if he gets into a difficult situation, would I still wish him to be next to me, or am I attracted only to his success?

9. Do I wince or do I feel expansion when thinking of this in other circumstances?

10. What do you fill your life with?

Pursuit of your dreams?

Pursuit of daily satisfaction?

Or the pursuit of pleasing other people?

Please, next time you are rushing to fulfil your wishes and desires, stop for a moment and ask yourself: is this my heart that leads me towards my goal, or is it my body or ego or other people's opinions that are in control of me and are leading me away from my desired self and desired life?