What if everything is Awesome

Narcissism, Recovery, Healing, Addiction "A physical breakup is not enough." When I read those words in Prof. Sam Vaknin's book I Want My Narcissist and Psychopath Back , my heart stopped. I reread the line, and the meaning started to dawn on me. Yes, he is right. No matter how many connecting lines to my past life I cut, no matter how completely silent I went—no calls, no answers, nothing—but still I was living with my narcissist in my mind. In the darkest hours, I would hear myself whisper, "I am still yours. I am still loyal." Being unfaithful was the worst sin for him, and he blamed me for it over and over in every fight we had, no matter how loyal and faithful I proved myself to be over the years. One year has passed since I last saw his face, heard his shouting, felt his strong and confident strikes in a rage-filled turmoil—the adrenaline, the high of the thrill, the edge... During this year, I achieved more than I could have imagined: from entering univer...

  So, what is your thing? What makes you spark? Many people I met struggled to answer that simple question, or they mistook it for what they actually did in life. Yes, it could be both, when you do what makes you spark, but the question is what is the source, what is the thing that makes you inspired and gives you that spark in life? There are so many things about life that I love that make me feel good, but which of them takes my living experience to another level, what makes me feel the best? What makes me feel comfortable in any situation? If you are in a room full of people you don't know and you are stressed out, what would be the one thing you could do that would put you in your zone? Writing - for me. It gives me the option to distance myself from everyone and just be myself. Turning thoughts and concepts into imaginary structures, building theories in my head, and pouring them on paper. I desperately want to be me, especially in crowded places. "I don't want to be ...

I have always loved dreams and tried to understand their meaning.  Working with a psychotherapist led me to understand that we don't have enough time to interpret all the dreams I had. I have 2-5 dreams each night. It is frustrating when you have so much information that you don't know how to use, which often leads you to neglect the idea of even trying. Why should we try to interpret our dreams?  Dreams are the door to our subconscious through which we get to interact with and integrate unconscious parts of ourselves into our conscious reality. Carl Jung believed that the role of the dream is to help us connect to the true reality we avoid seeing consciously. Our dreams often reveal to us our deepest desires. We can use the seeing of the dream to find a healthy way of approaching that suppressed desire before it is manifested in our reality in the way and time we expect or guard the least. Dr. Luise von Franz claimed that whenever a person is not connected to his dream life, ...

  I don't want to write today, I only want to draw. I ordered the best pencil kit for me and the best sketchbook for me. I know exactly what I want and what I need. I discovered today that drawing is a huge part of me, of my soul. I have been depriving myself of it for so many years. This last week there wasn’t a day without me longing to draw different things, to visualize through the page my dream self, my dream life. To express the awe for the beauty I see all around. If words could have colours and shape, I would draw swirls of thoughts and ideas, decorated with tiny details, small bugs and butterflies, hummingbirds and flowers, rich-green leaves and twisted roots of tropical trees, all entangled in a dance of colour and joy. Some parts of the page would be darker, like some corners of my soul, some would have terrifying creatures lurking in the shadows, thorns and slime, venom and fangs. Tiny spiders would knit artisan webs between the branches of exotic trees. Huge flowers wo...

  I always wondered How would I know for sure what is my dream and what am I supposed to do in life? Follow your curiosities was the answer I received. And I did. I fought so many times and years against my curiosities and dreams, I made many efforts to push them aside, all the ideas of small things I liked and wanted to do. For what purpose was I procrastinating living? I was so determined to achieve a goal, save money, and buy land, that I completely neglected also the things that would not have cost me anything to do, like running. I love running. 3-5 km runs with good energetic music in my ears and a Nike run app to track my progress. I neglected it as I neglected reading books and drawing and singing. I became a very flat person, grey and empty of energy. One decision had turned my life completely. I left all behind and started all from scratch like a newborn, with a complete reset of my goals, intentions, destinations, beliefs, habits, and diet. I got the chance to build my l...

  Change starts with a question  that opens up a space for an answer to come The way to change is always from within, we can never make others change. The only way is when they come to us with a question. A question is much like a prayer, it opens up a container in you with a space where you are ready to receive the answer. In inspiring others to ask, you plant in them the first step to change. You cannot teach something to someone who does not have an open container as a question to receive your answer. A good teacher succeeds in inspiring curiosity so the student starts asking questions. So how do you teach adolescents about life? I received an opportunity to teach a class of young ladies 14-17 years old. I was pondering on the question of what knowledge I could share that would best impact those young women. Where is the beginning? Where do I start? When I think of myself at that age, what is the one thing if I would have been tought that would have saved me from dark exper...

  Defence mechanisms and inner blocks: Our mind is like a huge field of grass, separated and divided into small pastures by barbed wire and posts, some are loose so they can be easily crossed, and some are wired in multiple layers of wire, some even have stone walls around them. The wire and walls are where our defence mechanisms are active. They can be inner blocks of beliefs that others have convinced us to adopt. When in a relationship with an abuser we see these wires all over, saying “You can’t go there, can’t look there, can’t think of this, and can’t feel like that”. So we are restrained to one small pasture where it’s relatively safe to exist. That is why free journaling comes in handy, as it is a cross-border association-based activity. I’ll explain: Free journaling, means you write whatever comes to your mind at the moment it hits your thought, even if it means stopping in mid-sentence and following the immediate thought, even if it is nonsense or repeating words, or just...