Preparing a lesson for adolescents about Boundaries

 

Change starts with a question 

that opens up a space for an answer to come

The way to change is always from within, we can never make others change.

The only way is when they come to us with a question.

A question is much like a prayer, it opens up a container in you with a space where you are ready to receive the answer.

In inspiring others to ask, you plant in them the first step to change.

You cannot teach something to someone who does not have an open container as a question to receive your answer.

A good teacher succeeds in inspiring curiosity so the student starts asking questions.

So how do you teach adolescents about life?

I received an opportunity to teach a class of young ladies 14-17 years old.

I was pondering on the question of what knowledge I could share that would best impact those young women. Where is the beginning? Where do I start?

When I think of myself at that age, what is the one thing if I would have been tought that would have saved me from dark experiences, sexual abuse, abusive relationships, alcohol consumption, and generally, what is the one thing that could put me on the right track?

Where is the beginning of all problems? In the psyche.

I had good examples as well as bad ones, I had the choice between a destructive and constructive life.

What made me choose the destructive way?

I came to the conclusion that understanding boundaries was the most fundamental problem.

As a child, I was not taught about boundaries and had no idea what they were, what to do about them, how to protect them, and how to respect other people’s boundaries, until I was at least 29.

I grew up with an older brother with whom we would constantly fight, usually ending up with me in tears and scratches, and I was repeatedly disrespecting his belongings and space.

Later on, there came lots of other problems related to boundaries, when I let other boys and girls disrespect me and my body, I let them, as I did not know how else I could respond.

If I could travel back in time and teach myself one lesson it would be about boundaries.

How do you teach boundaries to a 14-year-old person?

Start with engaging their curiosity by asking about their personal opinion on things they care about.

Start with the simplest questions of choice - what do you like most? This or that?

Then a more profound question can be presenting two situations and giving the option to choose what they would do or prefer to feel.

For example, showing images with two similar situations and two different reactions.

This provokes feelings and thoughts, “What would I do”?

You can proceed to present a situation when boundaries are disrespected, starting with the simplest examples, such as name-calling or a friend who is always late.

You create a new pattern in the youth’s mind to process situations like this.

1. An uncomfortable situation that leads to a certain feeling that my boundaries were disrespected - How to recognize that feeling?

2. How to recognize the situation and understand what is wrong, what exactly bothers me? - learning to listen to oneself's feelings.

3. What are the actions I could take? Propose different types of healthy reactions, and give a couple of examples of unhealthy approaches and reactions, what would be the outcomes?

4. Exercise - presenting another imaginary situation and asking a person to explain how she or he would react and why. 

5. Ask them to give a bad example from their lives where they could have acted differently if they knew how.

6. Ask for a good example where they stood their ground. See if they understood the difference.

7. Elaborate more on how to recognize boundaries and how we can respect others through understanding ourselves.