What if everything is Awesome

The S eashells After finding a new parking spot for our camper - open palm beach, firm sand, water point, in front of a restaurant with good food, beers, and cigarettes - we went back to our truck that was parked a hundred meters from there, in another restaurant's parking lot. We decided to eat our breakfast there before moving forward as a means of gratitude for letting us stay the night there. With full stomachs, we pased along the calm water of the ocean, excited about the good spot we'd discovered, when Johnny found two huge and beautiful shells lying on the wet sand. Unfortunately for him, the shells were still with living creatures inside, but it did not bother Johnny, he wanted to take these shells no matter what. He tried several different ways to get those creatures to leave their houses, but with no success. Eventually, we left them in the sink of our camper and waited until they would come out or get dry and die. When we were about to leave for the new place, the ca...

Narcissism, Recovery, Healing, Addiction "A physical breakup is not enough." When I read those words in Prof. Sam Vaknin's book I Want My Narcissist and Psychopath Back , my heart stopped. I reread the line, and the meaning started to dawn on me. Yes, he is right. No matter how many connecting lines to my past life I cut, no matter how completely silent I went—no calls, no answers, nothing—but still I was living with my narcissist in my mind. In the darkest hours, I would hear myself whisper, "I am still yours. I am still loyal." Being unfaithful was the worst sin for him, and he blamed me for it over and over in every fight we had, no matter how loyal and faithful I proved myself to be over the years. One year has passed since I last saw his face, heard his shouting, felt his strong and confident strikes in a rage-filled turmoil—the adrenaline, the high of the thrill, the edge... During this year, I achieved more than I could have imagined: from entering univer...

  So, what is your thing? What makes you spark? Many people I met struggled to answer that simple question, or they mistook it for what they actually did in life. Yes, it could be both, when you do what makes you spark, but the question is what is the source, what is the thing that makes you inspired and gives you that spark in life? There are so many things about life that I love that make me feel good, but which of them takes my living experience to another level, what makes me feel the best? What makes me feel comfortable in any situation? If you are in a room full of people you don't know and you are stressed out, what would be the one thing you could do that would put you in your zone? Writing - for me. It gives me the option to distance myself from everyone and just be myself. Turning thoughts and concepts into imaginary structures, building theories in my head, and pouring them on paper. I desperately want to be me, especially in crowded places. "I don't want to be ...

I have always loved dreams and tried to understand their meaning.  Working with a psychotherapist led me to understand that we don't have enough time to interpret all the dreams I had. I have 2-5 dreams each night. It is frustrating when you have so much information that you don't know how to use, which often leads you to neglect the idea of even trying. Why should we try to interpret our dreams?  Dreams are the door to our subconscious through which we get to interact with and integrate unconscious parts of ourselves into our conscious reality. Carl Jung believed that the role of the dream is to help us connect to the true reality we avoid seeing consciously. Our dreams often reveal to us our deepest desires. We can use the seeing of the dream to find a healthy way of approaching that suppressed desire before it is manifested in our reality in the way and time we expect or guard the least. Dr. Luise von Franz claimed that whenever a person is not connected to his dream life, ...

  I don't want to write today, I only want to draw. I ordered the best pencil kit for me and the best sketchbook for me. I know exactly what I want and what I need. I discovered today that drawing is a huge part of me, of my soul. I have been depriving myself of it for so many years. This last week there wasn’t a day without me longing to draw different things, to visualize through the page my dream self, my dream life. To express the awe for the beauty I see all around. If words could have colours and shape, I would draw swirls of thoughts and ideas, decorated with tiny details, small bugs and butterflies, hummingbirds and flowers, rich-green leaves and twisted roots of tropical trees, all entangled in a dance of colour and joy. Some parts of the page would be darker, like some corners of my soul, some would have terrifying creatures lurking in the shadows, thorns and slime, venom and fangs. Tiny spiders would knit artisan webs between the branches of exotic trees. Huge flowers wo...

  I always wondered How would I know for sure what is my dream and what am I supposed to do in life? Follow your curiosities was the answer I received. And I did. I fought so many times and years against my curiosities and dreams, I made many efforts to push them aside, all the ideas of small things I liked and wanted to do. For what purpose was I procrastinating living? I was so determined to achieve a goal, save money, and buy land, that I completely neglected also the things that would not have cost me anything to do, like running. I love running. 3-5 km runs with good energetic music in my ears and a Nike run app to track my progress. I neglected it as I neglected reading books and drawing and singing. I became a very flat person, grey and empty of energy. One decision had turned my life completely. I left all behind and started all from scratch like a newborn, with a complete reset of my goals, intentions, destinations, beliefs, habits, and diet. I got the chance to build my l...